The Beauty of Life

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I woke up that day feeling heavy. It was hard to get out of bed. My mind kept returning to the pregnancy tests I had recently taken. I couldn’t bear the thought of walking through another trial.

My husband and I had been married for three years, and it felt like one hard thing after another. My health had declined, creating challenges in different areas of our lives. Our marriage had been filled with worries and anxieties, and I think we both quietly wondered, When will our lives become easier? Better? Normal?

Now, as we waited to conceive, I wondered if this would become another long and painful road.

That morning, my husband made breakfast for us. I remember drinking my tea slowly because I wanted to have some left while I read my Bible.

I stayed at our dining table after breakfast, wondering: How long, God? How long is it going to take us to conceive?

I opened my Bible and the devotional book I was working through. That day’s reading was 1 Samuel 1—the story of Hannah.

I began to read, but the stress, pain, and fear I was carrying became unbearable.

I stopped abruptly.

“God, please don’t let this be another trial. It has been too much. I can’t handle it.”

I stayed there for a while and looked out the window. I felt hopeless. I didn't realize how much pain I had been carrying until that moment. My heart was tired. I think both my husband and I desperately needed our hope to be renewed. We needed some good news.

Eventually, I turned my eyes back to my Bible and kept reading. What I read next felt like a gracious promise from a loving God:

“Go in peace, and the God of Israel grant your petition that you have made to him." 1 Samuel 1:17

I was astonished. I felt as though God had graciously spoken directly to my heart. So I held on to those words.

Months passed, and God continued to meet me in the waiting.

Then, one morning during my devotional time, I came across another part of Hannah’s story:

“And in due time Hannah conceived and bore a son...” 1 Samuel 1:20

Later that same day, we found out that we were expecting.

The most beautiful gift from the Lord was growing inside me.

Nine months later, I woke up feeling heavy again—but this time, the weight was different.

I was exhausted. I remember that day as if it were yesterday: March 31, 2025.

We had barely slept. Our midwives had come early that morning to check on our son because he wasn’t breathing as he was supposed to. After thoroughly examining him, they eventually left, and my husband and I were once again alone with the most precious gift.

A small, tender, resilient baby. We marveled at the complexity of human life.

We named our son Elijah: The Lord is my God.

This was the beginning of a long-awaited season.

I was finally a mom.

Yet motherhood brought a multitude of changes that no one could have fully prepared me for. I was overjoyed to meet my son and hold him close to my heart, but I was also navigating physical pain and hormonal and emotional changes that sometimes crashed over me like a raging sea.

Still, my son was here.

I remember lying in bed holding him, feeling his little heartbeat against me and watching his tiny fingers wrap around mine.

So much about those early days is blurry now. But I remember looking at him and thinking about how blessed I was to have been given this sweet little boy. The baby I had once wondered if I would ever hold was now lying in my arms, and when I looked back at the season before his birth, I realized that I had believed two lies:

It is up to you to make yourself pregnant.

God does not care about your desire to have a child.

For so long, I had carried the weight of something I ultimately could not control.

There were things I could do. I could care for my body. I could seek wisdom. I could pursue medical care when necessary. But nothing I could do could guarantee that pregnancy would happen.

God, on the other hand, is the giver of life.

A year and a half after Elijah's birth, I was given another reason to look back at his life with wonder.

I had been experiencing some light cramping, so I scheduled an appointment with my OBGYN. After a long appointment and an ultrasound, the doctor discovered polyps in my uterus, and I needed surgery.

The finding confused me.

My doctor believed the polyps had likely developed after giving birth. Perhaps they did. I don't know when they appeared or whether they were present before my pregnancy. But I had experienced some of the symptoms associated with them for much of my life.

Suddenly, I found myself wondering:

Could they have been there before? Could they have been smaller then?

I don't have those answers, and perhaps I never will.

What I do know is this: some uterine polyps can make conception more difficult, and yet Elijah was conceived. He grew safely inside my womb. Pregnancy after pregnancy test had once felt impossible to me, yet there he was—growing day after day until the moment I finally held him in my arms.

The ultrasound couldn't tell me what my uterus looked like when Elijah was conceived.But it reminded me again of something I already knew:

His life is a gift. 

There may have been circumstances happening inside my body that I knew nothing about. There may have been obstacles I could see and others I couldn't.

But God knew my body.

God knew my womb.

God knew Elijah.

And God heard me that morning at the dining table when all I could say was:

Please, don't let this be another trial.

Looking back now, I see the beauty of life differently.

My son's life reminds me of just how little control I actually have and how sacred the gift of life truly is. Perhaps you are in a season of waiting right now.

Maybe you have tracked every symptom, changed your diet, taken supplements, scheduled appointments, researched late into the night, or wondered if there is something else you should be doing.

There is wisdom in caring for the body God has given you. There is wisdom in seeking appropriate medical help. But there is also freedom in remembering that you were never meant to carry the weight of the outcome by yourself.

You can surrender what you cannot control to the One who holds your life and your future.

Jesus reminds us:

“If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:11

Our Heavenly Father is good.

And even in the ache of waiting, we can bring Him the deepest desires of our hearts.

Sweet friend, you don't have to carry this longing alone.

You can tell God how badly you want a child.

You can tell Him you're disappointed.

You can tell Him you're afraid.

You can ask boldly for healing and for life.

And you can surrender the outcome into His hands.

Would you pray with me?

Lord,

Forgive me for the times I have believed that everything depends on me. You are the giver and sustainer of life. Today, I surrender my body, my health, my womb, my fears, my desires, and my future to You. Where there is fear, give me faith. Where there is pain, bring healing. Where I have become exhausted from striving, teach me to rest in You. You know the desires of my heart. I boldly bring them before You and ask You for the gift of life. But above all, help me trust You with what I cannot control. Hold my heart as I wait, and remind me that I am held by You even when I cannot yet see what You are doing. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

A Promise for Your Journey

There is one more Scripture I want to leave with you.

A few months before I became pregnant, God brought me to a verse that became deeply personal to me throughout my journey:

“Thus says the LORD, I have healed this water; from now on neither death nor miscarriage shall come from it.” 2 Kings 2:21

In its biblical context, this passage is about Elisha healing the waters of Jericho. During my own journey, these words became an anchor for me.

I carried them with me before conception, and I returned to them throughout my pregnancy. They reminded me to place my body, my baby, and the things I could not control into God's hands. And now, when I look at Elijah, I remember the words I prayed, the Scriptures I held onto, and the God who sustained me through the waiting. So I want to leave this verse with you too—not as a formula or a guarantee of a particular outcome, but as an invitation to bring your deepest longing before the God who sees you.

Ask Him for a Scripture to anchor your heart in this season. Write it down. Pray it. Return to it when fear comes.

And while you wait, entrust your story to the One who already knows every page.

Let's Continue to Walk Together

You’re warmly invited to gather with us Weary Moms At The Well, a community for mothers seeking refreshment, community, and connection with the loving Shepherd. We meet weekly for prayer and a devotional continued conversation throughout the week.

If you’re looking for a podcast to help you rest in Jesus’ arms, I’d love to invite you to listen to Devotions at the Well —a podcast for overwhelmed moms seeking Jesus amid everyday life.

I would be honored to walk with you as you shine the light of Jesus through right where you are!

Come as you are. Let's meet the loving Shepherd At The Well!